We Are Not In Kansas Anymore, We Are Homeless.

This has been one of the BEST years of my life. And no, best is not an exaggeration.

Have you ever woken up, before your 2 year-old asks for nuggets, and your 1 year-old begs for attention, and thought, “I need to google homeless shelters before this week ends..”???

Well I have.

And it’s hard. It pokes at your heart like a rusty engine tool, or someone squeezing it with no remorse, while you try to think thoughts of positivity. You feel like your whole world is being taken away on a specific date, and you can do nothing about it. But get ready, and wait. I was being evicted. And all I could think about was, of course, my daughters. They are young. Full of hope and adventure, and I suppose, my only moment of anxiety came when I realistically considered sleeping at the park with them. I figured, I would be the lookout, and they would have their favorite soft, plush pink blanket, and their mother right next to them. They would be okay. They would chalk it up as an adventure. A getaway.

I never thought I would be in this position. I was just working hard, dropping them off at their sitter…their sitter. I lost my babysitter. And because I was in a new town, with no one to look to, I had to watch them myself. But, that also meant, I would lose everything, while gaining time with my girls.

I was homeless this year you guys.
Not like live at a friend’s for a bit, or sleep on your parents couch and pay the electric bill. Real life home-less.

The girls and I had nowhere to go. My parents offered their help, but I wanted to stay where I knew God wanted me to be. I didn’t want to move back home. I knew my opportunity was here, and that going back home meant another burden, and another L.
The day I left my apartment with the girls, I had no car, (it was taken a couple weeks prior) so with Amiya on my hip, Melody next to me, a duffel bag, two large satchel purses, and their diaper bag, I slowly started walking down the road, very slowly, toward the park. Within my first steps I wanted to break down and cry from the weight of it all on me. Then I thought of Jesus, walking down the road with His cross, and I knew I could do it. He carried this weight before I did, and His strength began to fuel my insides. “Mel!! Don’t let go of my hand!” She couldn’t seem to walk in a straight line away from the road without me. But projecting my frustration would make her feel exactly what I was fighting against. That something was wrong. Finally, first stop. We made it. I unloaded our things on the bench and exhaled. It was hot, and we needed SOMEWHERE to go that night…or we would be..at the park.

But, I was prepared, and I had hope.

I prayed. I thanked God in advance for keeping us and making a way. I did NOT know what we were going to do, because all the places I had called were full. Then God directed me to a number. I called. There was an opening. The security guard at my apartment complex gave the girls and I 10 dollars when she saw me walking, and juice for the girls. First sign of provision. It was my gas money to get to the shelter. The rest is history.

Going to the shelter allowed me to ENTIRELY depend on God for EVERYTHING. And though I was sometimes surrounded by people who felt things were hopeless, I had hope. I had a key. A life hack. I had the Bright and Morning Star on my side!!! Each day had endless opportunities. Each day posed a question of who could I help? Who could I serve? Where would this little light of mine shine for the day? My perspective was not dependent on my situation.

I knew it wasn’t our last stop. God has shown me a number of visions, so I knew I was created for more. So why be down? Why be scared? Nervous? Afraid? The Creator had my back and was already preparing a place for me that would knock my socks off. But I had to pass the test. I had to endure. With the right attitude.

This generation prides itself on SELF RELIANCE! But, this experience, greater than any has taught me to not rely on my own capabilities, but to keep my faith in God. That what I hold inside exceeds anything I could ever own or buy. It further confirmed that my greatest joy is when I’m helping someone else shine. When I know I was a light.

A lady who worked at the shelter came and followed up at our new place a couple months ago and told me that I was a light. That I encouraged people, that I was a walking bible that some would never read. She was watching me. DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT TO ME?!

ME, little old me. I had picked others up when I was down myself. When I had absolutely nothing, I still had everything. More than those around me. And now, I know, so much deeper, and will never forget where my value lies. I am not ashamed of my testimony because if only one person pushes on because of it, IT WAS WORTH IT.

I put fear aside and put myself and work out there, for the first time, during that time at the shelter, and I’ve gained key connections, and still gaining. The girls and I have a crib with a ceiling so high I could climb a latter in the living room and stand on top and not touch it. We have a lake view. And the list goes. I’m not quitting until I see His vision come to fruition in my life! I worked hard and in a month’s time gained everything back and so much more! But with a new perspective. Rather high, or low, I have learned to be grateful, humble, and content, in every circumstance. And still growing.

This Thanksgiving, definitely took on a meaning far beyond words.
The picture below was taken at the shelter. 6 months ago. My princess Mel. I still sang to them in our time space. I still played peek-a-boo, and tickled them to no sound came from their mouths. We went for walk, caught the bus, and frequented the shelter playground. The girls helped me to never miss a beat with living every day. It wasn’t going to wait for me to be happy. I had to choose life.

“I know how to get along and live humbly [in difficult times], and I also know how to enjoy abundance and live in prosperity. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret [of facing life], whether well-fed or going hungry, whether having an abundance or being in need. I can do all things [which He has called me to do] through Him who strengthens and empowers me [to fulfill His purpose–I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.]”
PHILIPPIANS 4:12‭-‬13 AMP

Keep going, a step at a time, keep your head up, live, and know that what you believe is what you will achieve. You are strong enough. Even if it doesn’t look like it right now. Receive the process, and look forward, because the best is always yet to come.

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To Dream, Or Not To Dream

Watching your speech as if I was there, I couldn’t help but hold back tears of gratitude, knowing your dream inspired others to do the same.

And now, I tell my daughters to dream.

I enthusiastically make them aware that they can go anywhere, and that they can become anything, that their passions and desires create for them to hope for.

And now, sitting as a Millennial in the world as I know it, in 2018, more and more people are afraid to dream, while on the opposite of the spectrum, people are dreaming bigger now, more than ever.

Doing things that some wouldn’t dare think up in their minds. Hiding behind time, as if the world still shows up on their plasma TV screens as black and white.

But without our past, where lies our future? We have to go back, and understand that as wild as our dreams get now, and the fact that we are no longer afraid to sing our dreams out loud, it wouldn’t have been possible without the obedience of one, to follow his convictions, and express his dream.

His undeniable hope, and zealous march toward something we ALL could benefit from, is the kind of dream God will back up. That was His will for Martin. And like Dr. King, we too have a call and purpose, a dream God won’t let us get away from, that points us in the direction we need, to go to live a life that not only we, but others benefit from.

If your dream benefits no one but you..is it a dream, or a fantasy? I believe God gave dreams to us so that we could use our living, breathing bodies, to move toward something bigger than us. That would give us drive and the selfless ambition to keep going, even when we feel we can no longer go on.

And that is the kind of dream we all should have. A dream that drives us to reach others.

Don’t be be afraid of the magnitude of your dream. If it was given to you, and the lives of others are positively impacted by it, you can almost rest assured, it is your calling. Walk in it, out loud.

God will never call us to do something, without making provisions through it.

Martin heard the call, and answered. He had a dream, and dared to say it out loud and spend his energy making it come to life. And if you get nothing from this day today, get this:

To dream is to live. We have no reason to thrive, without a dream that is alive.

Your dreams are valid, and even more possible than before, thanks to the healing, outspoken words, of a Dr.

Thank you.

Imagine Your Reality Was Better Than You Thought. 🔥

“Imagine…then Boom!”
A phrase trending on social media right now.

I’ve seen some really funny ones, and ones that made no real sense at all. But running into them frequently, I started to wonder if these same people have ever really taken the time to imagine. To use their minds to see the world in light, and wonder.

Wonder. A song by Hillsong my girls and I adopted while at the homeless shelter last year, I have not only imagined that, but I watched it become my reality. My world started to become brighter, to push me into a consistent state of awe and how my thoughts, words, and belief of the two changed my circumstances.

Sometimes we just accept what is happening in our life for face value, without truly taking the time to think outside of ourselves and see how God may be trying to help us. And He is always aiming to help us, but we have to receive it, in order to receive the benefits.

If you are going to choose to imagine things, why not start with things that you truly want to see manifest in your life. Re-read it, and say it out loud, with belief that it can become your truth.

Like for example…😏

Imagine you are working hard at becoming a published author, and then BOOM! You walk past your local Barnes & Noble and see your debut book on the shelf.

Or..

Imagine that you are laying your prideful ways aside and trying out love the way it is written in the Bible..and then BOOM! Your relationship vegans to change, and your friendships, and you began to see life through a different lens that effects every person you come in contact with?

IMAGINE!!

Just a few ideas for you. 😊

Remember how important it is to be conscious of what we allow on our brains each day. Choose to take those negative thoughts captive, cast them down, and begin thinking on things that are good, and lovely. Imagine what will happen next.

Honey, You Are Too.

I used to beat myself up all the time. I used abusive thoughts to push my life toward an end that I felt was, inevitable. I truly felt like I couldn’t get ANYTHING right. That my entire existence was in vain. But one day God shined a light so bright that I could no longer allow myself to sit in the dark. I was special enough to DIE FOR. And that, the very heartbeat I was so ready to end, was a reminder that my life had a PURPOSE. I was worth it.

So often I had looked at other women and compared myself, never ever feeling enough next to them in my mind. But that friends, is truly where it all needs to begin. Once I allowed new thoughts in, it sunk into my heart, and not only did it become confession from my mouth, but manifestation in my life. “I am worth it, and I am awesome.”

We as women sometimes find ourselves in a frenzy of sending praise all over the globe. This woman is awesome, that woman is gifted, and her, oh my goodness, SHE is just SO SO…TALENTED! And we adore them from a distance, taking note of their story and triumphs and successes, all the while, forgetting our OWN.

From giving birth all natural, to loving someone back to life, women have stories of beauty no one will know until YOU first understand it is worthy of your own enthusiasm. You did, what someone in the same predicament might not have been able to do, and that deserves a pat on the back, goo goo eyes, and memory screenshots for YOU.

Why is it that we rarely have an issue giving praise where it is due, except for when it comes to ourselves? Don’t cheat your worth. KNOW IT, AND OWN IT. Having a positive self image can be as easy as remembering you, are awesome too.

Who’s Voice, If I May Ask, Is The Loudest?

All too often we find ourselves moving up or down, going left or right, or stuck between moving full speed ahead, or staying put. We ask others, should we stay or should we go, is this good or bad, and what do I do if…?

We pride ourselves on being teachable and not withering from the necessary make-up of a healthy, functioning, communication system with the loved ones around us. But, with so many voices, who’s voice is the loudest love?

The aunt that has seen it all, and the best friend who just wants what’s best for you? Your mother who repeats herself three more times before you get your thought out, or the corner store owner who gives a tip after you tip?

Voices on Facebook, thoughts from Twitter, and visuals from an Instagram account that sends you in to overdrive, in your mental. What is beautiful? What is trending? Who are the best if the best, and why? What color is her hair, how long is it, is it even real?

So many thoughts, ideas and suggestions, hurled into our faces each day, at alarming speeds, with little to no realization how many, until you wake up in the middle if the night craving Taco Bell, or feeling like you need new boots, again.

We say we are woke, that we understand our fabric, what makes us, us…but what makes you, you, has nothing to do with what they say, and everything to do with what YOU say. People will tell you who you are until they are blue, paint a vivid picture of the human they see before them from their own eyes, but if you are unable to block then out, and hear your own voice, recognize your own soul’s sound, then you will wind up like the mass. Pleasing the appetite of the ones who validate their conforming ways and say they “like” you, when really they like they could relate.

Live your truth. It is freeing. Listen to your inner voice. For me, I have to quiet other voices all the time, including my own, and hear what God is saying, which will always Trump the others.

Whatever you do, do it because it was you, honest, and authentic, and not what someone else said with lips that are no longer their own.

New School, Old Teacher

We are young and we have something to say, young enough to have the tenacity to put it in your face. We will rip you a new one with little to no effort, r.i.p, you a new one, shut up another doubter, twist and shout, we don’t just talk, we be about it, been about it. Even in the face of the ones who bet against us, we didn’t falter, we won’t either, we did it all with no filter, we take pride in not having to mask it all, we want masks to fall, and some of us have not mastered this, I speak for many, but not all, so many aimed towards bail and pick me up at 2, and have my McDonald’s waiting, and can you take me to my girls crib, mom? Nah, we ain’t all there yet. Asking if it’s coming soon though, forfeiting that green for some new blow, that’s a new low. And the excuse is we are young. We are young, that’s what the certificate say, I could’ve sworn that’s what our certificate say, but so quickly we want to have things already in play, experience, some of us have plenty, or so we would proclaim, but they reject us, turn us around, and send us packing the other way. You are young, that’s what your certificate say, and we can’t have you messing up all our years for your different ways, trying to come in here and have us thinking woke with new plans, but that wasn’t part of the blueprint, and you lost if you think we following who you sent. Age isn’t something that has ever stopped us, and yet some think it stops us, now, taking knees, and hash tagging is the new way to sit in the front with no desire to get up, taking stands, by kneeling down, only difference is the time period. We still representing, period. How quick are y’all to say we want it all our way, that we beat, and we slay, and snap, and we dab, and we trip and nae nae, so how can we think against what y’all say, if our minds are occupied with what day it is, wcw, no time to strategize, we just the new prey. But you’re wrong, we do both, some of us just think ahead, and you try to hit us with an smh, when some of y’all was still bowing down to the system at our age, inward rage, never taking you out your mental cage, but God forbid we want something above the minimum wage. I will say this though, not fast but real slow, we have women giving up themselves for a Gucci bag, so bougie swag, cut me out and give me silicone, I want his new son, and his dad, yes, we have boys who think it’s cool to miss their kids first day on earth, but will be damned if he not in line for the new Jordan’s rebirth. Oh, we have it so messed up, no reason to try and front, what’s love and what’s marriage, and what’s wrong with a little thing on the side? Minds in turmoil, bad soil, no growth taking place, and no sun, and no water oh, but high hopes for first place, yes, you woke, and that’s God, but don’t belittle father time, cause some of y’all will regret the day he falls asleep on your behind. Respect the ones who came before, they have plenty ways we can’t ignore, wise to adore, true love that birthed your very life, and what about the ones who fought so you could hold the hand of your new wife. We need their guidance, their support, for at times we know not what we do, and I promise if we work together, the ones that come after us will want our help too. 

 

Thoughts?

Cook Your Ribs Thoroughly, Then Feed The Right Adam

Adam had a rib taken and God used what was broken to create someone Adam would have as a partner for life. But, sometimes, women who are broken will change the process around and go looking for an Adam to fill their void. Ladies: You need to START the dating process WHOLE in 2018. However long it takes. Then when God allows an Adam to come your way, even IF he is not all together, YOU will have what it takes to MAKE him better. 💕 Don’t take more from him. Give him what he needs and some. He will recognize HIS rib, and it will fall into place.

All too often, we as women get ahead of ourselves, and we analyze a situation before it plays out, and then when things don’t go our way, we find ourselves battling our emotions, hoping to still appear grateful, when in reality, we want to scream. Or has that only happened to me? 😔 Lol We really have to get ahold of the good and leave the rest to die. When our mindsets are where they should be, we have the power to positively effect anything around us. But it starts with us. So often, we want to change him, but when we choose to focus on the great that lives within our inner beings, and feed that greatness with spiritual food, physical fitness, and intellectual goodies, we find ourselves becoming a change we want to see, and that in turn, is more contagious than you realize.

Our superpower is patience. 

When we can trust God, and trust the process, all while doing our part, even when things seem disheartening, believe. Keep your faith high, your patience thick, and your anger slow. More often than not, when we find something that irritates us about another individual, it is really an indication that there is something within us that needs work as well. So do it. Do the work. Start now.

Focus on being the best you, and allow God to take you both where He wants to, which if you don’t know, can only be somewhere amazing. Enjoy doing life, and don’t be so hard on your partner if things aren’t perfect. He is doing a work in the both of you that will effect the other, if you let it.

It Takes Energy To Make That Ugly Face You Make

You have to literally use muscles to create a frown. Like, it takes a slight workout, to actually activate the ugliest face we can make. A frown…

Stop what you’re doing RIGHT NOW and try to frown. Just frown. Do it. NOW, do you see what that took?! Ridiculousnesssss.

43 muscles in your face to create about 10,000 expressions. 10,000. Why does one need to make so many faces? How do you know when you’re making what face. Have you sat down to try and make all of them? Probably not. How beautiful it is to know God doesn’t like conforming. He likes individuality. And, I suppose that’s one of the best things we’ve given, but don’t utilize the way we think we do. We do as we think we ought, yet many of us don’t realize that those thoughts weren’t original, but based off of something we’ve already seen, or heard. It’s possible you may have even taken someone else’s idea, and tweaked it to make it different, but it was never you. If God made us to be 100 percent original, unique and divine in our own design, complete with minds of our own, and thoughts to boot, then why is it that we don’t take them and use them? Really meditate on who YOU are, and what YOUR thoughts are on something.

Creativity. Where is yours? Have you ever really tapped into it and seen the fruits of what could be one of the greatest ideas added to your generation thus far? You could change a life. A world. Quite possibly, you could affect the very ones who are directly around you day to day. Because you thought your own thoughts. No wavering. (Thoughts need to be, and should be positive, edifying, useful thoughts. If you are thinking destruction, see bible/counseling/family/friends/Jesus/Dairy Queen.)

I suppose many of us want to be who we really are, in hopes that the world around us will graciously let us in. Access pass us into being apart of the accepted. But who said the world around us was the standard? Who said that anyone else has the final say so, but ourselves. Yes, they may determine vital parts to your success, but who determines how far you will go, but you? How wonderful it is to know that you were created to stand out like a sore thumb. To be an anomaly. Because fitting in means conforming, and to conform into a size 7 shoe, when you wear a 10 means being uncomfortable. It means the inability to move forward comfortably, with ease and elegance, and confidence. It possibly means being in a color or style you’d never choose. WHY would do such a thing to yourself? Why would you want to be in anyone else’s shoes but your own. Your own style, something you chose and were satisfied with. Let’s be us. I have decided I want to be me. To have my own thoughts. To use those thoughts for what God intended, and positively affect the world around me. I encourage, you do the same. Failure, is when you fall down, and stay down. That, should never be an option.

As for those 10,000 expressions, sometimes, the most effective and easily maneuvered thing you can do with your face, is put a smile on.

“I’ve never seen a smiling face that wasn’t beautiful.” -unknown

Your ‘Ship Is Sinking. Let It.

Have you ever wished you were dead?

 

Wished the earth would stop spinning, in hopes that you would fall off, and stop feeling all the pain and disappointment?

 

Have you ever felt the vicious sting of heartbreak, piercing you down to purest parts of you and spreading a vile taste you can’t escape, but feel an unbelievable amount of stupidity because you would welcome the that sting again, if it meant to have them back?

 

Have you ever felt like you were losing yourself? Fooling Yourself?

 

Have you ever had your time wasted? Or wasted someone else’s time, thinking that their face will fill the space you have in your heart for intimacy, for love? That the void they are filling may make you whole, if you wait long enough?

 

Have you ever felt ugly? But only after someone else pointed out their dislike for your features? Because before that…you thought you were beautiful..

 

Have you ever…

 

Because I have.

 

We could write a list a mile long on our past inner demons, emotional issues, and failures in love. But, what would that do for me. For you?

 

Too often, we discuss over all of our platforms what someone else can relate to, without adding a tidbit that will challenge them, make them view it differently, or help them overcome it.

 

But do we only want “yes men/women” in our lives? I don’t. Understanding me, having sympathetic eyes toward me, without feeding me a spoon of thought that may keep me from making the same mistake won’t help me.

 

Next year, let’s be mindful of all relationships that agree with a part of us we want to leave behind. Sailing towards freedom in every area will require a great team, and sturdy “ships.”
Elevate and alleviate yourself. 😘

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